WHY GIVING YOURSELF ULTIMATUMS WON’T DRIVE REAL CHANGE

Let’s talk ultimatums.

They’re like ominous storm clouds looming on the horizon, casting a shadow over everything– threatening, restrictive, and honestly, passive-aggressive.

Imagine being the one dishing out these ultimatums to yourself.

Sounds grim, right?

Well, that was my gig for a while; I was the master of self-inflicted ultimatums, constantly boxing myself into corners.

It was all part of my perfectionistic paradox–an “all or nothing” mantra. If I couldn’t have it all, I’d settle for nothing.

Talk about setting myself up for disappointment.

“Either this guy is ‘the one,’ or I’m swearing off dating forever.”
“Either I snag this promotion, or I’m storming out of this job.”
“Either I stick to this diet religiously, or I’m doomed to be a failure for eternity.”

Pretty harsh, huh? So why did I continue to subject myself to this mental torture?

Turns out, it was my way of self-sabotage.

By painting everything in black and white, success or failure, I declared war on myself. It wasn’t just about the outcome anymore; it was about labeling myself as either a winner or a loser based on that outcome.

Life rarely fits into neat little boxes of our successes and failures.

By forcing myself into this binary mindset, I was setting myself up for a perpetual tug-of-war between what I wanted and felt I had to achieve.

So, I decided to ditch the ultimatums and embrace a more flexible mindset. Instead of saying, “It’s either this or bust,” I started entertaining the idea of multiple outcomes being just as good, if not better. Maybe this job wasn’t the one, but that’s okay. It’s a step closer to finding a place that thinks I’m fantastic.

By loosening the grip of my expectations, I found myself less stressed and more open to all the possibilities life had to offer.

And guess what?

Despite my follies, I’ve discovered that the best outcomes are the ones you never see coming.