“If you are an approval addict, your behaviour is as easy to control as that of any other junkie. All a manipulator need do is a simple two-step process: Give you what you crave, and then threaten to take it away. Every drug dealer in the world plays this game.
-Harriet B. Braiker
Have you ever felt like you’re constantly chasing approval, like it’s the fuel that keeps you going? That quote by Harriet B. Braker truly struck a chord with me. The desire for approval is like being hooked on a drug. No matter how much you receive, you’re always craving that next hit of validation.
I’ve realized that at the core of approval addiction lies a lack of self-awareness. We’re so focused on seeking external validation that we forget who we truly are.
Have you ever found yourself bending over backwards for people who don’t appreciate you?
It’s like we’re trapped in this cycle of trying to please others, even at our own expense, and when things don’t pan out the way we hoped in these relationships, we turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to numb the discomfort. It’s like we’re trying to fill this void inside us with anything we can get our hands on.
For me, numbing manifested by way of disordered eating and drinking alcohol. I thought if I could just look and behave the way others wanted, I’d finally feel whole. But as the saying goes, “You can’t please all the people, all the time.”
Relying on others for validation, for me, was like building a house of cards on a windy day – precarious and fragile, much like my ego.
As long as you look for someone else to validate who you are by seeking their approval, you are setting yourself up for disaster.”
– Nic Sheff
I’ve learned the hard way that true fulfilment comes from within. No amount of external validation can fill that void if we don’t first find peace with ourselves.
Wholeness about being your own best friend, even if she’s slightly overweight, somewhat jaded, and hasn’t quite found herself yet.
I spent too long blaming others for my unhappiness, but the truth is, no one else can or could fix me. And while I was waiting for someone to save me, I nearly gave away all my agency.
Pleasing ourselves is a tough pill to swallow (pun fully intended), but once you do it, you can start the journey towards inner peace and acceptance.
Don’t bet your happiness on other people’s approval. It’s a gamble you’ll never win. Instead, focus on what truly makes you happy, and everything else will begin to fall into place.
